Looking Under The Hood of Rejection

thumbnail-1.aspxEvery Tuesday night for the past year and a half, I’ve been part of an Authentic Movement group. This is a creative practice that I’ve been doing on and off for the past 25 years and it, quite simply, keeps me sane.

That all ended last week when the group (5 lovely women whom I dearly like, one and all), sent me an email, which kindly and lovingly, kicked me out of the group.

Ouch!

Besides engaging my not-so-kind Inner Perfectionist (always standing ready to give me a sound scolding when I screw up), it simply hurt to be rejected. My stomach caved in and I could feel tears welling up on the back waters of my heart.

We’ve all been there and it’s never…

a day at the fair.

Honestly, I was glad for the email (emotional coward that I can be), as I didn’t really feel like breaking down and crying in front of the group. I emailed back that I was already considering bowing out (true, but not because the group wasn’t working for me. It was.), and thanked them for letting me fly with them for the past 18 months.

As I mulled over what happen, I realized that their “rational” reasons (I missed a lot of sessions. Yes, true, but so did they. My AM practice was different from theirs. Yes, true, though I had no trouble incorporating their differences.) had missed a more basic dynamic: rhythm.

From the very beginning, it was clear that I lived life at a different pace, hitting very different notes, and with a high-cylinder rhythm – plus, I had been practicing authentic movement about 15 years longer than anyone else. Meanwhile, they were all in the same rhythm, with about the same amount of practice under their belts. So, in some sense, it was them and me.

And if you follow Ken Wilbur’s work, anytime you have a dynamic further along on the spiral, that dynamic is able to incorporate the stages it passed through on its way up the spiral, but it is impossible for any dynamic further down on the spiral to incorporate what it hasn’t yet become.

And now, since I’d looked under the hood of the rejection, I realized it could be no other way and all of the personal sting vanished. Not all of the sadness, though, for I shall miss those magical 2 hours on Tuesday nights where I could talk to the stars, or travel into a Samurai experience.

Tell me, has there been a time when you’ve looked under the hood of rejection?

5 Responses to “Looking Under The Hood of Rejection”

  1. gregorylent says:

    life is like this … spiral dynamics model ..

    and the art world? rather down the spectrum, if you ask me :-)

  2. Sari says:

    All the time…So many people are insecure, they can’t stand my security…jealousy is so high school…being pretty or successful or talented or more skilled than others means the Tonya Hardings of this world want to beat you up…You were just too good for them…water finds its own level…Stop slumming…seek out others who are at your level or better, or at the very least are not going to feel hostile about their lack…
    p.s. I think you are the cat’s pyjamas…btw…

  3. Ariane Goodwin says:

    hmmm…wondering, Gregory, exactly what you mean by “the art world? rather down the spectrum.”

    And Sari, not sure what I said that indicated this group was jealous (not), or insecure (again, not).

    While what I wrote was true, as far as I went, another deeper truth recently raised its head– that I had “energetically” already left them – just not in body and mind, and some part of my spirit.

    And, yes, they needed to frame it in terms of their needs (I was absent a lot, I had a different approach, etc.,), but what if the next layer of truth was they were simply responding to my energetic withdrawal before even my own awareness emerged?

    What if I needed their action to spur my inaction into completion? Amazing how many layers of truth we can peel back, isn’t it?

  4. Sari says:

    I am intuitive…Plus, you were farther along the spiral & that can cause subliminal sub-textual feelings of jealousy & insecurity amongst those that are at an earlier curve…But, you are right, they don’t of necessity feel those emotions- but it is common & I chose to attribute negative emotions to the group in order to validate you, who felt rejected…I feel it is very very important for leaders to know that they are leaders, it is lonely at the top & sometimes they forget…

  5. Ariane Goodwin says:

    Sari, I’m so touched. How kind of you to reach out in support of me. I probably missed that you were doing this, the first time around, because my identity here in cyber space is crafted as “she who supports (artists).” Thank you for persisting until I ‘got” it. I appreciate this gift and hold it close.

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